Changing the world

My friend Doug, who needs an lj account (if anyone can spare a code, I'd appreciate it a lot!), told me once that I should sit down and examine my past relationships, and make up a list of things I'm looking for in a lover. Since I have this handy journal to do this in, I figured I'd give it a shot tonight. It beats the hell out of dwelling on the horrendous headache I've been fighting all day.
( the list )

Yay, I got damned to hell by real people for the first time in ages!!!

For those not in Columbus, today was the big Pride March down High Street to the State House. Also, this was my first Pride event. I was so dissapointed...it was nothing like the hotbed of iniquity that the Religious Reich portrays Pride Marches to be. I think I saw two sets of unexposed female boobies, and no exposed penis type thingies. Well, I started off standing next to these middle aged queens and their lesbian fag hag, which made the march all the more fun. The ancients are bitchier than we are! Ok, well, the Flagotts marched (this is not an insult, this was their name), a gay band from Cincinnati was there, more drag queens than you can shake a dildo at, bears galore, and my favorites, the leather men. I rather enjoyed getting collared today. And led by a leash. Let's not go there.
So anyway, when we hit Downtown, we meet the protesters. Fun. I can deal with idiots, but one of them had some sign making reference to the recent murder of a drag queen by Samuri Sword. That was rude. Also, one of the best parts was a sign that misspelled disease. I wish to Apollo I had a camera for that one. The signs had the usual nasty comments, with some of the more creative among us holding signs like "I'm not gay but my right wing fanatic boyfriend is", with an arrow pointing at one of the Phelps people. Actually surrounded by that many faggots and dykes, I felt quite safe in waving and cheering when we passed the protesters. Kind of ironic that all we do is bitch about each other unless confronted by people who hate us.
So, then came the festival. I didn't stick around long, mainly because I ran in to a few people I didn't want to see. However, I did get more than a few compliments, which did wonders for my ego. Everyone needs to be told they're desirable once in a while.
All in all, Pride was a lot different than I expected. I'm happy I went and marched though.

I love my ex, good Chris. You know, the boy who made no ejaculation for a month a requirement of our dating, and made one of our first dates a trip to see Battlefield Earth.
See the weird part is that we remained friends aftewards. I love him very dearly. I don't think I'd ever sleep with him again, but hey, that's my perogative.
Well, I got this e-mail that he's dating someone new. Ricky. They've been going out since Marcon, which was this weekend. And they've already had sex. GRRRRR.
I hate this. It's like when Doug and Phil finally got their shit together and got topgether. I'm happy he's found someone, but there's this little voice in the back of my head going "It should have been me."
I feel like everyone's transition today. Most of the guys I've been dating have used me to fill in a gap. The pattern goes back to Mike, fer cryin' out loud.
Is it too much to ask for a nice guy? Someone with a healthy sex drive, who doesn't expect me to bring a U-Haul on the second date? Someone who isn't engaged, married, or rebounding? Someone who likes watching bad movies on a couch or going out for coffee?
Christ, I'm whining a lot today. I feel like I did towards the end of my stay with Beth, when I suddenly realized that most of my friends were moving on and I was sinking farther and father into this little hole sucking mud and being ridiculed and pitied by those around me.
You know what? FUCK that! I don't deserve the hole. All I need is a jump start.
And better activities outside work.

Ok, there's this guy at work I've had like a mojor crush on for like the last month. Just randomly started one day when he hugged me out of the blue. You know, he's straight but he and I flirt a lot. Well, tinute, out of nowhere, we're slapping dough and talking and he startes doing Romeo's soliloquy from the balcony, and I respond with Juliet's answering speech. We ended up doing most of the Shakespeare we had in commen while making pizzas. It was just so odd, I decided to post it.

lotussilverfire and I cast Beltaine this evening, and once again proved that Circle can be fun. Of course, any other pagan/wiccan probably would have walked out in the middle when we cast for better sex among the gods, but hey....

Well, I have a date on Sunday, which I hope goes well, mainly because I could use a little something to make conversation about one here. It doesn't help that I've officially become the official smart-ass of gay.com, and my date is a virgin. It used to be so easy...Call Mike. Mike comes over. Mike and James explore new and exciting realms of interpersonal relationships. Mike goes home before James's mom gets home. Now, now, I have no idea what I want, other than a simple greeting of hello every once in a while, or even a kiss. Let's be honest, sex is great, but it ain't everything. Kind of like McDonald's is food, but Olive Garden is da bomb! Of course, when I get into a realtionship, we have a smother-fest. Either I'm controlling and manipulative, or he is. Whatever happened to a relationship based on plain and simple dating? I have no desire to get married, but someone I can go out with is something that I really want. Grrrah! MEN!