gangrel_pri | Jealousy rears its ugly head

I love my ex, good Chris. You know, the boy who made no ejaculation for a month a requirement of our dating, and made one of our first dates a trip to see Battlefield Earth.
See the weird part is that we remained friends aftewards. I love him very dearly. I don't think I'd ever sleep with him again, but hey, that's my perogative.
Well, I got this e-mail that he's dating someone new. Ricky. They've been going out since Marcon, which was this weekend. And they've already had sex. GRRRRR.
I hate this. It's like when Doug and Phil finally got their shit together and got topgether. I'm happy he's found someone, but there's this little voice in the back of my head going "It should have been me."
I feel like everyone's transition today. Most of the guys I've been dating have used me to fill in a gap. The pattern goes back to Mike, fer cryin' out loud.
Is it too much to ask for a nice guy? Someone with a healthy sex drive, who doesn't expect me to bring a U-Haul on the second date? Someone who isn't engaged, married, or rebounding? Someone who likes watching bad movies on a couch or going out for coffee?
Christ, I'm whining a lot today. I feel like I did towards the end of my stay with Beth, when I suddenly realized that most of my friends were moving on and I was sinking farther and father into this little hole sucking mud and being ridiculed and pitied by those around me.
You know what? FUCK that! I don't deserve the hole. All I need is a jump start.
And better activities outside work.