gangrel_pri | Entries tagged with humor

YOU KNOW YOU GREW UP IN THE 80's or early 90's IF...
1. You've ever ended a sentence with the word "PSYCHE."
2. You watched the Pound Puppies.
3. You can sing the rap to the "Fresh Prince of Bel Aire"
4. You wore biker shorts under your skirts and felt stylish.
5. You yearned to be a member of the Baby-sitters club and tried to start a club of your own.
6. You owned those lil Strawberry Shortcake pals scented dolls. (Does it count if I made them commit suicide?)
7. You know that "WOAH" comes from Joey on Blossom .
8. Two words: M.C. Hammer
9. If you ever watched "Fraggle Rock."
10. You had plastic streamers on your handle bars.
( more behind here )

So anyway, I really am beginning to wish there was a way to politely maim the people I work with. I'm also wishing I wasn't so pissed off at everyone I know right now.

Current Music: "St. Joe on the School Bus"-Marcy Playground

OK, got invited to amature comedy night at Northberg tonite by my manager Jonda. One of our drivers was headlining (and this is his last appearance, since he's moving to Florida in a week).

Well, first, Jonda is not preggers as previously feared. However, even 2 beers on an empty stomach could make me feel good about watching 12 10 minute sets of bad comedy. I've heard just about every possible J-Lo/Ben Affleck joke possible now. I've also been labled the "Chubby Flannel Guy" by the comediens. And no amount of alcohol made it worth sitting through countless dick jokes and fag jokes. I did, however, heckle a few of the worst offenders. Hell, I'm tempted to sign up for the next amature night just for the sake of proving that not all comedy has to be about dicks and boobies.

A sample or two of the stuff that was passing as comedy tonight.

"Chicks think I'm sensitive when I tell them I cried after the first time I had sex. I can't help it, my uncle had a ten inch dick."

"Don't you hate it when you're getting ready to bust a nut, the dog starts barking, and then your girlfriend walks in?"

(OK, so I laughed a bit at these, but Dennis LEary or Rabin Williams it wasn't.)

Andy, the guy I went to see, was amusing. Particularly since he was able to find humor in his Dad's failed liver and his break-up from his girlfriend which happened last night. And I should mention that beer and chorizo don't mix well, unless you really happen to like the gas that comes later.

Current Mood: groggy
Current Music: "Add It Up"-Violent Femmes

This rawks...

Current Mood: giggly
Current Music: Watch and find out.

( Gother than thou, some of it's kinda funny )

Current Mood: amused
Current Music: "Mr Roboto"-Styx

1. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of shit.
2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
3. How about never? Is never good for you?
4. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
5. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way.
6. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
7. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.
8. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
9. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.
10. Ahhh...I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again...
11. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
13. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a damn.
14. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
16. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
17. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
18. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
19. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?
20. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
21. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.
22. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
23. And your cry-baby whiny-butt opinion would be...?
24. Do I look like a people person?
25. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
26. I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.
27. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
28. If I throw a stick, will you leave?
29. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
30. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
31. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
32. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
33. Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1?
34. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
35. Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done.
36. How do I set a laser printer to stun?
37. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted pay checks

Current Mood: amused
Current Music: "Love will tear us apart"-Joy Division

These are rather funny.

sarya, I thought they provided a rather nice contrast to the venom of Fred Phelps.

http://member.newsguy.com/~satire/god.html

http://www.godhatesfigs.com

Who knew satire would cheer me up a bit?

I'm adding this on later for the sake of friends.

you're the virgin suicides. you're sad but pretty, and very, very dreamy.

take the which prettie movie are you? quiz, a product of the

slinkstercool community.

Current Mood: amused

Death is certain. Life is not.

It's long, but it's rather funny...thanks to all ya'll who posted yours...
And Star Wars Ep II starts in 10 hours!!!!!

Your objective is simple: Soul Accumulation.

Your motive is a little bit more complex: Sadistic pleasure

Stage One
To begin your plan, you must first seduce a pope. This will cause the world to slaughter a sacred calf to appease the gods, horrified by your arrival. Who is this unholy menace? Where did they come from? And why do they look so good wearing the skin of another human?

Stage Two
Next, you must desecrate Empire State Building. This will all be done from a abandoned church, a mysterious place of unrivaled dark glory. Upon seeing this, the world will wet their pants, as countless hordes of mean english teachers hasten to do your every bidding.

Stage Three
Finally, you must unleash your opening of the seven seals, bringing about the destruction of the masses. Your name shall become synonymous with the spice girls, and no man will ever again dare sneer cruelly at your disfigured face. Everyone will bow before your mind-boggling insanity, and the world will have no choice but to fall madly in love with you.

Get your evil plan at http://darksites.com/evilplan

Current Mood: ditzy
Current Music: "Livin' on a prayer"-Bon Jovi

When I got home from work tonight with my nice 40 of Budweiser (yuck, but it was free), I popped in Star Wars:A New Hope. Now,

gothic_oreo was still up, so we decided to insert random dialogue interpreting what R2-D2 beeped. Considering how many fun things C-3PO sez during the course of the movie, you can just imagine the fun we had doing this. For instance, when Obi-Wan Kenobi saves Luke from the Sand People, C-3PO makes a comment about how Luke should go on with out him. R2-D2 beeps. We say-"Drama Queen!"

Well, damn it, it was funny when we were drinking!

Current Mood: amused
Current Music: "You're so Vain"-Faster Pussycat

Watching Alice Cooper do the Macarena on VH1 is quite possibly the scariest thing I have ever seen.

Current Mood: scared
Current Music: "Fairies Wear Boots"-Black Sabbath

> WWAD? (A= Artemis) Turn him into a stag to be torn apart
> by his
> barking hounds.
>
> WWAD? (A= Athena) Stare him down (then beat the crap out
> of
> them...in a logical manner).
>
> WWAD? (A= Apollo) Test their musical skills...in a fair
> contest.
>
> WWAD? (A= Aphrodite) Don't you mean "Who" would Aphrodite
>
> do?
>
> WWAD? (A= Astarte) Make love AND war.
>
> WWBD? (B= Bacchus) Get them drunk and turn them into
> dolphins.
>
> WWBD? (B= Britannia) Rule!
>
> WWBD? (B= Buddha) Does it matter? If you are enlightened
> it
> doesn't. If you are not enlightened it still doesn't.
>
> WWCD? (C= Ceres) Discuss it calmly while holding a
> scythe.
>
> WWCD? (C= Cerridwen) Stir it up one more time.
>
> WWCD? (C= Chaos) No one is quite sure...but it will be
> messy
> and...interesting.
>
> WWCD? (C= Cthulhu) Does it matter? No one will survive
> anyway.
>
> WWDD? (D= Demeter) Lay waste to your lands if you don't
> have
> her daughter back by 10 PM! (And don't even THINK of
> laying a
> hand on her!)
>
> WWDD? (D= Discordia) Here...have an apple...IF you are
> the
> fairest!
>
> WWED? (E= Ereshkigal) Strip them and hang them on a hook
> to
> rot.
>
> WWTED? (TE= The Eleusinians) It's a mystery!
>
> WWFD? (F= Flora) Say it with flowers.
>
> WWFD? (F= Fortuna) Play the lottery.
>
> WWGD? (G= Gaia) Remind them to worship the ground they
> stand on.
>
> WWGD? (G= Ganesha) Saddle up his rat.
>
> WWHD? (H= Hades) Tell them to go to Hell.
>
> WWHD? (H= Hecate) Show them the right path...or is it the
> left?
>
> WWHD? (H= Hera) Get jealous.
>
> WWHD? (H= Hercules) Labor to come up with an answer.
>
> WWHD? (H= Herne) Lead them on a Wild Hunt!
>
> WWJD? (J= Janus) Look the other way.
>
> WWJD? (J= Jupiter) Strike them down with a bolt from the
> blue.
>
> WWKD? (K= Kali) Tear out their beating heart, drink their
> blood
> and dance on their trembling corpse. Then wear parts as
> jewelry.
>
> WWKD? (K= Kwan Yin) Show them some mercy.
>
> WWLD? (L= Loki) Turn left at the next street, buy five
> chickens,
> "borrow" some jewelry, change into a seal, and steal some
>
> apples. For starters.
>
> WWLD? (L= Luna) Moon them!
>
> WWMD? (M= Mithras) Cut the bull!
>
> WWMD? (M= Mars) Suit up for battle.
>
> WWMD? (M= Mercury) Change his mind...again.
>
> WWND? (N= Narcissus) Huh? Is there someone else here?
>
> WWPD? (P= Pan) Tell them to pipe down or f*** off.
>
> WWPD? (P= Pluto) Hump Minnie's leg.
>
> WWPD? (P= Priapus) Rise to the occasion.
>
> WWSD? (S= Sekhmet) Drown her sorrows in blood.
>
> WWSD? (S= Set) You don't want to know, and it won't be
> nice.
>
> WWSD? (S= Shiva) Smoke some weed and dance the night
> away.
>
> WWTD? (T= Thor) Hammer it out.
>
> WWVD? (V= Vesta) Keep the home fires burning.
>
> WWVD? (V= Vulcan) Live long and prosper.
>
> WWYD? (Y= Yahweh) "I hear you, I hear you. Stop with the
> burning
> bush already! OY!"
>
> WWZD? (Z= Zeus) By Jove, he'd flirt with the girls!
>

Current Mood: sore
Current Music: Poison's greatest hits