gangrel_pri: (Default)
Update #1-I will be in New Jersey for a few days starting probably Sunday. which means bad things. I will also be in the company of my mother.

Update #2-I really hate Hannah. I really like Dave. I hope they balance out, since I close with both of 'em tonite.

Update #3-Been suffering combination ennui and stress. I have yet to figure out how.

Update #4-I'm really tired.

Update #5-I missed Angel tonight:(

Update #6-I borrowed an emoticon from the guild board to serve as a new icon, since it's been a while since I played with my icons.
gangrel_pri: (Default)
Ok, folks, this journal turns 2 years old on the 13th. Kind of scary.

Lesse...

Got in a huge fight with Jonda at work over Hannah's promotion and me getting a raise. I am finally getting one, but not nearly enough of one to satisfy me. I'd start job hunting, but jobs ae hard to come by at the moment, and I really have no desire to stay within the industry that has kept me fed and clothed for 7 years. If I'm going to switch jobs, I want to be out of food service forever. I know my options, and I know what I have to do. It's just harder than hell to work through all this shit when it takes all of my energy to crawl out of bed in the morning.

I was thinking today about how many life changing events for me have aniversaries that fall in Septemeber and March. I thought about it for a while, and began to realize it makes sense in an odd way. Both fall in seasons of transition, aka Spring and Fall. Just about every major relationship I've had in my adult life has started in September and ended in March. Jobs seem to go around the same schedual, and every major move I've made, with one exception, have been in September.

Been writing a bit, but it's still fanfic, and therefore rather dull to discuss. On the bright side, fanfic forums rarely attract trolls. Kind of a nice ego boost. I know I'm writing tripe, but no one seems to mind.

Found out two of my EQ buddies are a monogamous gay couple in Hawaii. They sent me pictures. I'm jealous now.

My snotty Toreador is now an anarch! Yay! But he's still helping the guild. Big surprise. While I'm not beholden to Camarilla politics, clan politics seem to cross sect lines in OWbN. Which is why he's helping plan a guild event here in Columbus now. Seems Opera Columbus is putting on Carmen, so a number of us Art-y types will be all dressed up in formal wear and going to the Palace Theatre for game. This ought to be an adventure. I'm hoping I can bring a date, mainly because Steven will be in deep doo-doo if he's alone in a room of Toreador. Let alone all the mundanes. Hmm...I wonder what kind of Tux styles they had in 1945....

No luck in the relationship arena. Met a few people, but none of them seem the second date type, let alone the stick around for breakfast type.

And I had an odd dream last night. Which, interestingly enough, involved [livejournal.com profile] sweetie9607. Kind of a flashback really, to the days of the lamented Westerville game. *sigh* I miss that game. While I know others hated it, it was a lot of fun for me, since the smaller size allowed me to interact with everyone.

Nothing chages really does it? We're just little cogs on the great wheel of oblivion, striving to change the gradual slope down towards entropy.
gangrel_pri: (Default)
Really just relaxing a bit now after a bad night at work. Nothing new to report. As I used to label these days in high school in my old journal, "bored and depressed". If I still had a wworking word processor, and the disks that shit was written on, I could probably post enough angst to run a goth club for a week. Or my pseudo-intellectual pieces on various hot button issues of the time. Like my lovely abortion piece concerning chickens and eggs.

I was a dumb-ass at 16. I'm an even bigger one at 27. I have yet to do anything of meaning, and when I die, the experiences I value most will blow away like sand on the wind. I mean, who but me knows and cares about a particular patch of land in Yellow Springs? I have quite a few memories attached to various places out there. Admittedly, several of them are sexual in nature, but hey, it's one of the few things I'm good at. At work, I find old memories creeping back. You'd be amazed how many things you forget that can come back later.

I hate it. I hate feeling like a waste of an egg and a sperm. Hell, I'm not even propigating the species in this life. I have no real reason to exist, biologically speaking.

Fuck.

Everyone pardon me, I seem to have rediscovered my inner teen-ager.
gangrel_pri: (squirtle)
Get up.

Hit Comfest.

Leave Comfest, go watch the Gay Pride Parade.

Laugh at my High School English teacher, who likes to be a topless lesbian in the parade.

Perhaps hit the festival, but debating, since I'm not a fan of the Pointer Sisters.

Go to Origens and hang out with peeps and spend money on RPG's I'll never play.

Come home and cry.

Eat dinner of some sort, then lament the lack of finances to go see Blondie at the Factory.

Mutter darkly about how much my life sucks at the moment.

Cry some more.

Go to bed.

*Sigh*

May. 3rd, 2003 06:00 am
gangrel_pri: (Default)
Spent most of my night at work trying to remember why it was a bad idea to just walk out.

Going to bed now, hope the world looks brighter tomorrow.
gangrel_pri: (Default)
Life goes on...

So, a few weeks ago, mom calls and passes on she's blind in her left eye now, and she's coming to Columbus to see about having surgery to correct it. Keep in mind I've been avoiding the family sice Christmas. Well, when mommie dearest called, I thought he had fatal liver cancer or something. I mean yeah, being blind in one eye sucks, but it's not like she's dying. So Monday I drag my ass to OSU hospital to go with her for her appointment with the surgeon. She's got her much younger boyfriend with her, who's getting stranger with age. Ever try making small talk with someone who wants to talk about how his son is painting a nursery with murals of the 22 Major Arcana cards of the Tarot deck?

Just got a change of address card in the mail today from Herb and Stacy, along with a picture of their new house in Hubertucky. I can't tell you how happy I am that a guy I once thought I loved is buying the wife he no longer fucks or loves a house in the burbs so she can continue to indulge the fantasy of Donna Reed.

Have yet to meet a nice man in this town. Am still jealous of all the people I know in relationships. :P

So I have today off, which is a fucking miracle since just about everyone is quitting at work. So I rent Rules of Attraction and One Hour PhotoQueer as Folk. All while listening to the sounds of certain people...um...you know...

I swear, everyday get worse. I mean, I can see myself living in a trailer with my hand down my pants drinking beer any day now. I'm becoming one of the characters I used to write about in one of my stories, only I don't have some prince from another reality rushing in when I slit my wrists to drag me off to save the universe.

Yippie

Jan. 8th, 2003 06:20 am
gangrel_pri: (Default)
I got an e-mail from a friend of mine tonite. Served as a reminder that I'm slipping apart from reality again, since I haven't been motivated enough to talk to anybody outside work recently.

Same old grind. Haven't done much of anything recently.

I wish I could make a big thoughtful post full of insight, or at the very least post about my latest conquest. Something to break up the monotony. Just seems like all I've done recently is retreat.

*sigh*
gangrel_pri: (Default)
Ok, so I haven't updated in a while. I didn't think people would be all that interested in me whining about my family again.

So what has been going on...

My mom's former students sent me his novel to read through and make editorial comments. I must remember to go get post-it notes, since I have a fear of marking up his draft. So far, two grammatical train wrecks, and a few plot points I'd like to sit down and talk with him about.

Work is still work. Probably getting another raise here soon, thanks to Jason's idiocy. LARP continues to get more convoluted. Still not sure where we're going with the current situation.

Really looking forward to a day off.

[livejournal.com profile] smurfchick has removed me from her friends list. I'm giving you all a free pass to remove me if you so wish. I've been lousy about reading, let alone commenting recently. Between the holidays and Seasonal Affective Disorder, my heart's just not up to much right now.

/sigh. I really just need to take a Valium or something. Oh wait, I have a loaded brownie in the fridge. I didn't realize it was loaded until I took a bite. Heh. That was amusing.

Anyway, I should shake off the blues sooner or later. I hope anyone who still reads this is ok.
gangrel_pri: (Default)
I really, in all honesty, have been having very shitty weekend.

Saturday, Jason (the pothead who all of us loathe at work) no called no showed. We all were happy because he was getting fired. Then our DM called and told us to knock on his door and give him a $.50 raise is he would come in. That is utter bullshit. Jason has been there barely 90 days. He doesn't work. He smokes pot on his smoke break. His head is so far up his ass I don't know how he breathes.

Then I get these nasty letters from another collection agency. I still have no clue what bill they are attacking me about, but I really don't want to call them, since they're worse than telemarketers.

To top it off, I haven't been sleeping well. I know that I have a LARP ooc meeting with the garou on Tuesday at some point. I also have an EQ raid on Wednesday. I keep having visions of Vamps playing EQ.

My concentration is shot. One of our drivers gave me a s'more bar, but I discovered that it was loaded when I took a bite of it.

Hell. I just need a whole day to myself. This is why I miss going to the Yellow Springs grove. At ;east there I could just meditate in peace. I was so drama free for a while, and now the evil bitch has dropped everyone else's drama on me. (great, it's the drama fairie.)

*sighs* I am so anti-social right now.

On the bright side, I talked to Steve tonight about Jason's undeserved raise. He said if it goes through, he'll get me at least a quarter raise, and my hours won't get cut when the students go home for Xmas. Whereas Jason will probably be getting 4 hours a week.

And I dreamed of Mike last night. First time in a while. I'm always happy when he's there, but I get maudlin when I wake. I miss having him within walking distance. Hell, I'd just be happy to know where he is. I miss him. And yes, I've been carrying this torch for a VERY long time.

Maybe I just need a vacation. I think I might actually get one soon.
gangrel_pri: (Default)
Just about nothing.

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