*snort*

Jul. 16th, 2010 12:51 pm
gangrel_pri: (alan rickman)
From a discussion on Glen Beck's most recent diatribe...

God = Galactus/S.H.I.E.L.D/Apocalypse/any overpowered hero
Egyptians = Nazis
Moses = Captain America
Aaron = Bucky
Elijah = Storm
Solomon = Professor Xavier
David = Cyclops
Elisha = Kraven The Hunter
Ehud = Wolverine
Samson = Hulk

*chortle*

Jul. 14th, 2010 11:44 am
gangrel_pri: (F-ing serious!)
Via [livejournal.com profile] meganphntmgrl who posted it in [livejournal.com profile] hp_commonroom and had it posted in [livejournal.com profile] metaquotes where I found it.

WHO'S THE GREASY, GRUDGING ASS
INTIMIDATIN' HIS POTIONS CLASS?
SNAPE!

DAMN RIGHT!

WHO'S THE MAN WHO GIVES THEM HELL
AND TELLS THEM THAT THEY WON'T NEED SPELLS?
SNAPE!

CAN YOU DIG IT?

WHO'S THE HEAD OF SLYTHERIN HOUSE
MAKIN' ALL THE GRYFFINDORS GROUSE?
SNAPE!

RIGHT ON!

THEY SAY THIS CAT SNAPE IS A RIGHT ASSHOLE-
SHUT YO MOUTH!
I'M JUST TALKIN' BOUT SNAPE.
THEN WE CAN DIG IT!

HE'S A COMPLICATED MAN
WHO'S PROBABLY NEVER SLEPT WITH A WOMAN*
SEVERUS SNAPE!




*Or a man, either. Seriously, bitter virgin alert.
gangrel_pri: (Default)
gangrel_pri: (Default)
1. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian .

3. She was only a whisky maker, but he loved her still.

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

6. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

9. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

10. Tim e flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

11. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

12. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

13. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, 'You stay here, I'll go on a head.'

14. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then, it hit me.



15. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said, 'Keep off the Grass.'

16. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, 'No change yet.'

17. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

18. It's not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn't have the balls to do it.

19. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

20. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

21. A backward poet writes inverse.

22. In democracy, it's your vote that counts. In feudalism, it's your count that votes.

23 . When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

24. Don't join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects.
gangrel_pri: (Default)

HAHAHA!!!

Feb. 4th, 2009 09:16 pm
gangrel_pri: (Glamwhore)

*giggles*

Dec. 11th, 2008 10:46 pm
gangrel_pri: (Hello cthulhu)
found this on a FARK discussion earlier, so I figured I'd pass the madness on. I believe [livejournal.com profile] mykeamend is trying to track down the original posting, but for now...

Dear Editor- I am 8 years old. Some of my little friends say there is no Great Cthulhu. Papa says, "If you see it on Alt.Horror.Cthulhu, it's so," Please tell me the truth, is there a Great Cthulhu who will rise from the watery depth of the Pacific to clear the Earth of all living things? --- Virginia Marsh

Virginia, your little friends are wrong. They have been affected by the fever of enlightenment given to them by a so-called "enlightened" age. They do not believe in anything unless it carries the weight of scientific authority. They think that nothing can be which is not comprehensible by their little minds. Reality is that which can be cataloged and measured, to be spooned out in rational doses to the common people. All minds, Virginia, whether they be adult's or children's, are little. In this vast chaos we laughingly call the universe, man is a mere insect, a bug, whose intellect has as much chance of grasping the whole truth, as an ant has of understanding non-Euclidian geometry.

Yes, Virginia, there is a Great Cthulhu. He exists as certainly as the cold unfeelingness of the cosmos exists, and you know that this meaninglessness abounds and gives to your life its highest absurdity. Alas! How comfortable would be the world if there were no Cthulhu! It would be as comforting as if a Santa Claus truly did care and reward children for doing good. There would be childlike faith then, a world of sweet believable poetry and romance to make existence idyllic and appealing. The external light with which childhood fills the world would never end.

Not believe in the Great Cthulhu! You might as well not believe in Hastur or the Necronomicon. You might get your papa's science books and Skeptical Inquirers to see if Cthulhu is mentioned in any historical contexts or if R'lyeh truly does rest under the Pacific Ocean, but even if you did not find either mentioned in your 'holy' books, what would that prove? Nobody sees or knows of Cthulhu, but that is no sign that there is no Great Cthulhu. The most real things in the world are those that we can not know through the senses. Can the headache of your friend be felt by you? No, but his pain affects your life regardless. Do you feel the angst of living a life you never wanted through any of your five senses? No, yet the despair remains. Yet if such realities are known but are never seen, then why should other's ignorance of the unseen lead us to share in their blindness. By what right have they earned your obedience? Nobody can conceive of the inconceivable, including your leaders of thought.
You tear apart the rattle of a baby to see what lies inside to make such noise, but the tiny balls there can not explain or illustrate the fear of a hostile world, that makes that baby clutch and shake that rattle so. Only reaching for insanity can push aside the curtain of our hopes and view with stark madness the emptiness that lies beyond. Is that reality? Is that the truth? To give an answer is to replace the curtain with but one more. And it is this, that makes the Great Cthulhu as true and as real as any veil we place on the chaos beyond. If one must create a meaning, why not the Great Cthulhu. At least the choice is free.

Thank Azathoth! The Great Cthulhu lives and lives forever. A thousand years from now, Virginia, nay 10 times 10,000 years from now, he will continue to await the time when the stars are right again. For with those which eternal lie, with strange eons even death may die.

(From Editorial Page, Arkham Advertiser, 1928)
gangrel_pri: (humor)
My new boyfriend is driving me nuts.

He colored my favorite white lamp shade bright blue.

So now I'm forced to Rage! Rage! Against the dyeing of the light!
gangrel_pri: (Default)
Michigan football practice was delayed nearly two hours this morning after a player reported finding an unknown white powdery substance on the practice field. Head coach Rich Rodriguez immediately suspended practice while police and federal agents were called to investigate. After a complete analysis, FBI forensic experts determined that the white substance, unknown to the players, was the goal line. Practice was resumed this afternoon after special agents decided the team was unlikely to encounter the substance again.
gangrel_pri: (humor)
GO BUCKS!



15% OF THE UNIVERSITY OF MICHIGAN FOOTBALLTEAM HAS BEEN ARRESTED DURING THE PAST YEAR.
WITH THAT IN MIND, THE JOKES ARE FLOWING ....
________________________________________________________

A lady in Ann Arbor calls 911. Hysterically, she says,
'Someone's just broken into my house, and I think he's going to rob me!'

The police officer says, 'Ma'm, we're really busy at the moment.
Just get the guy's jersey number and we'll get back to you.'
________________________________________________________

Q: What is Rich Rodriguez's biggest concern?

A: Does the NCAA count bail money as a recruiting violation?
_____________________________________________________

Q: What do you call a drug ring in Ann Arbor ?

A: A huddle
_____________________________________________________

Q: Four Michigan players are in a car, who's driving?

A: The police
____________________________________________________

Q: Why can't most of the U of M players get into a huddle on the field?

A: It is a parole violation to associate with known felons.
__________________________________________________

The University of Michigan team has adopted a new Honor System:

'Yes, your Honor; No, your Honor'.
________________________________________________________

The Wolverines are hoping for an undefeated season this year....

11 Arrests, 0 convictions.
______________________________________________________

Q: How did the Wolverines spend the first week of Spring Training?

A: Studying their Miranda rights

*snorfle*

Oct. 1st, 2008 02:42 pm
gangrel_pri: (Default)
The gov wrote a letter to the local paper today. While I still think Matt's an idiot and remain ecstatic he's not running again and I think he's just as corrupt as anyone else in government etc...

I did have to laugh at one of the comments on the newspaper site in response to Matt claiming the St Louis paper is judging him unfairly. (Which they probably are. But he's in the same problem every other politician gets into where the crime doesn't hurt thm near as bad as the cover up.)

"Yes the St. Louis Post-Dispatch hates you. If one of their reporters saw you walking on the water at Table Rock Lake, the headline would read 'Governor Matt Blunt can't swim.'"

too cute.

Jul. 4th, 2008 02:42 am
gangrel_pri: (Default)
gangrel_pri: (Default)
I found this in [livejournal.com profile] metaquotes, and figured I knew enough people who would appreciate it to repost it here.

Here is the original Mental Mantra from Dune (the movie. Don't think it was in the book. But then, I haven't read the book in about 10 years.)

It is by will alone I set my mind in motion.
It is by the juice of Sapho that thoughts acquire speed,
the lips acquire stains, stains become a warning.
It is by will alone I set my mind in motion.

And here is the more modern re-write....

It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.
It is by the beans of Java that thoughts acquire speed,
the hands acquire shaking, the shaking becomes a warning.
It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion
gangrel_pri: (Default)
funny funny picture behind the cut )

Hey [livejournal.com profile] topi

Apr. 10th, 2008 02:16 pm
gangrel_pri: (Default)
I stole this from [livejournal.com profile] gislebertus just for you...



And [livejournal.com profile] gothic_oreo....

hehehe

Apr. 9th, 2008 05:41 pm
gangrel_pri: (bats)
picture is bigger than I thought it was )

/snerk

Apr. 6th, 2008 11:28 pm
gangrel_pri: (emo)
gangrel_pri: (Default)
Found this over in [livejournal.com profile] weirdjews and figured there are enough folks who read this journal who might get a kick out of it.

Now I want a bagel and wine. )
gangrel_pri: (Default)
But...

gangrel_pri: (Default)
The sound is out of sync, but it still made me laugh like a buffoon.

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